Jenny Down on the Farm

Jed Boer leisurely walks alongside his noble steed as the two make their way across the fields to the barn on the edge of the Boer farm, which has been in the family for untold generations. Chewing on a straw and straddling his hoe from the freshly sown fields, Jed leads his longtime friend to the barn for some well deserved R&R....all the while scanning the estate for one rather stubborn niece.....

"Phew, I'll be darned, that be some fine work you did out there today, Buckaroo". (Buckaroo neighs with satisfaction) " You always been a might good at pullin' yer own weight, that's somethin' to admire, my ole friend. Whatcha say we let you rest up them legs and git you somethin' to chow down?" (Buckaroo neighs in agreement)

Jed come to the barn where he undoes the bridle and bit and fills the trough with fresh water. He gives him fresh carrots to chow down on while scanning the other animals residing in and around the barn.

"That be your reward for all yer hard work out there, bud." (Buckaroo nods as he chows down on his carrots) "Hmm, them animals look a might worn today, methinks they be needin' a little TLC for their troubles, eh friend?" (Buckaroo neighs in agreement) "Them fellas really earned their keep, now where is that feisty young niece of mine who be needin' to do the same? Jenny! Comin' here youngin', I be needin' an extra hand here."

Jed scans the area for her, only to be met with total silence.

"Hmm, that youngin' is bein' quite stubborn. I promised her papa that she'd be gettin' the most out of dis trip. If only I could keep track of where she...." (Jed is cut off by the sound of a dog barking) "Hmm, what's dat, Melissa, dear? She's back here you say?" (The young golden labrador gestures towards Jenny, who lounges lazily on a large stack of hay bales next to some discarded beer bottles) "Hmm, I mighta guessed. Thanks, girl". (Pets Melissa and sends her on her way) "There you be, Jenny, aye been lookin' all 'round for you".

"(Sigh) Hi, Uncle Jed, whatcha up to now?"

"I might be askin' the same of you, darlin'. Lookit yourself, girl, you been sitting on yer lazy ass all week. We got lotsa animals to be takin' care of here, girl. Yer rear I reckon must be gettin' tired of slouchin' about, why not you give 'em all a good washin'? They could use it after an entire mornin' out in them fields out there. Commin' get to work, darlin'."

"Pfft, are you kidding? Me hang around with all those filthy animals? Not if you paid me by the hour to be working here. I'm only here because daddy got the idea I need to learn how to deal with hard work rather than complain about how it's oh, so difficult, oh it's too much for a girl to handle, and nah, I gotta hang at the mall with my friends, and stupid stuff like that. Me complain? Seriously, where did the old man get such an idea?"

"Hmmm.....I reckon this is a conversation your papa's had with you more 'dan once. Why do you figure hard work to be nothin' but bad? At least here you git to work within' the animals. They be a very good bunch, what be the problem with dat?"

"Because they're just so weak and worthless, I mean what use do they have? Seriously, uncle, why should I or anybody be saddled with a bunch of hairy, flea-bitten animals? (Many of the animals display an acute awareness to Jenny's words and eye her with distrust) I mean, look at them. All they ever do all day is eat, sleep and smell up the place".

"Well, look at it dis way: At least y'know yer got a few things in common wit them". (Chuckles)

"Huh! Well, I never. I'll have you know I put on lilac breeze when I woke up this morning. And I don't eat that much, not like ole Buckaroo, he'd eat us out of house and home if he tried". (Buckaroo just continues chomping on oats even as he overhears Jenny)

"Hold it right there, Jenny. Now don't you be sinkin' so low as to be insultin' the critters. (Rubs Buckaroo on the muzzle, and pets one of his sheep) Animals be people too, y'know".

"Huh, that's another thing, you keep referring to these animals like they're human, like they have half the intelligence we do; they probably don't understand a word you and I are saying."

"Oh, trust me darlin', these animals understand you just fine, which is why I suggest you watch yer tongue and help me out in them fields today. Can't do it without yer help".

"Forget it, I'm not going anywhere hear those smelly masses of skin, I'm not about to make a jackass of myself." (Folds her arms and looks away stubbornly)

The animals continue to focus on Jenny, the horses and cows in particular look unusually peeved; Jed just gives the girl a passing frown as he thinks over her words; his characteristic grin then reappears.

"Fine, suit yerself, youngin'. Was hopin' to give yer daddy something to work by when I sent ya home, but if that's da way you feel. Certainly don't want to make an ass out of you, darlin'. So you go off and have yer fun, ya 'er? (Jenny eyes her uncle with suspicion) I'll be milkin' them cows in them pastures iffin' ya need me."

Jenny gives her departing uncle a look of contempt before marching off in the opposite direction, looking to lounge about somewhere else.

"Don't worry, I won't be needin' nothin'. I'm not about to worked like some animal because my daddy says I have to. Better luck next time, Uncle".

Jed looks back at the bratty girl as she leaves the barn area; he calmly chews on his trusty straw as he thinks things over, before casually resetting his straw hat.

"Hmm, don't be too sure of that, youngin'. Methinks you'll learn yer lesson in manual labor sometime soon. Whatcha think there, Nellie?" (His prized cow Nellie nods yes, seemingly understanding his words perfectly)

Jed continues to tend to the fields while Jenny resumes her usual pouting and lounging, thinking up more reasons why she shouldn't have to work. She casually puffs a couple cigarettes she kept from her uncle's view, all the while staring at all the 'useless' animals crawling about around the farm.

"Ugggh, stupid sheep, wandering around me with those wretched haircuts. Who knows what's crawling under all that wool? Go on, get outta here, shoo." (One of the sheep bleats at her loudly, sending an full swig of nicotine down her windpipe) *Cough, cough, cough* "Ugggh, I can barely....breathe... *Cough, cough* You stupid....*Cough* Go away, will ya!" (The sheep scurry off, still eyeing her with indignity)

"Uggh, that was a perfectly good smoke, too." (Pops out another Marlboro as Buckaroo walks by and just glances at her disapprovingly) "What the hell are you looking at? Just beat it, Buckaroo, you and them mules. I prefer not to have you interrupting my private time." (Buckaroo just huffs and marches off, trailed by a handful of braying donkeys, who almost look like they're conversing with each other)

"Why am I wasting my time talking to these animals? They don't understand a damn about what I'm saying. (Sigh) Stupid old man of mine, forcing me to take this trip when I could've been home hanging with the girls and a few six-packs. What am I to these people, their slave? 'You're gonna learn the value of hard work on your Uncle Jed's farm. You'll get your hands dirty, but you'll learn that a little dirt is a small price to pay for what you will eventually accomplish. That, and you'll make lots of new animal friends too'. Pfft, yeah right. As if I'm going anywhere near these stupid, smelly creatures, I don't need the extra company. I can take care of myself by myself. (Sighs) Maybe I should just hightail it back home, there's nothing to do around this joint. And I'm not about to give Uncle Jed an excuse to work me around like an animal."

Jenny aimlessly trails around the farm thinking up ways she could ditch the place and the animals who accompany it. Soon she sees one or two of the donkeys approach her, seemingly fixated on her.

"Uggh, what are you guys doing here? Hey, enough of that, back off will ya?" (They seem to sniff at her and study her as she tries to sway them off) "Hey, don't be getting any funny ideas. Nnngh, I said leave me alone, okay? What are you two so interested in? Just go away, you jackasses!" (They finally step away obediently, and Jenny tries to part their company) "Phew, they not only smell, but they're annoying! Ooh, there's no way I'm hanging around here much longer, I don't care what dad does. I'm calling the next cab out of here."

Jenny storms off past the barn when she feels a very sharp pain coming from her backside.

"Hmmm....Ooh, ow, ow, ow! Hey, what the?! Ow, my ass, something got me really good in there, ow! (Feels the seat of her pants, and barely holds back a squeal when she feels something wriggling inside it) "What the hell? What in the world is, ow!! Aw man, out of my way, fellas!". (She dives for cover close to the barnhouse past the animals, and feels for the offending object)

"Phew, at least I won't make a spectacle of myself, now I just gotta....ooh, ouch. (Feels inside her pants to track it down, she finally gets a hold of something) "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Damn it, what jerk shoved a snake down my pants......wait a minute, is that a furry snake?" (Gives it a small tug, sending a shock up her spine) "Ow, my ass! Is it biting my rear? Ooooohhhh......"

Jenny undoes her pants and pulls them down; her face burns with a bright red blush as she tugs at the 'snake', building up the pain in her butt.

"Ouch! What is this.....What the? Oh gosh, it's a tail....." (Jenny looks back to find a grey tail swishing across her backside; she accidentally drops her pants as she realizes what she is holding) "Ahhhhh, I've grown a tail! How did this happen? Aggh, my pants!" (Tries to pull them back up) "It's....it's not possible. H-h-humans don't have tails, so why do I have one?! It's like something out of a movie, this can't be real! I gotta get this thing off. Come on, fall off you....ow, dammit, that hurts! That really hurts......my head?" (Feels her head and discovers her ears are growing in length, and moving to the top of her head as they grow grey fur) "Nnnnnnnngh, whoa, stop that! No, what just happened?" (Pulls down her long ears; her heart races as she frantically tries to figure out what to do) "Oh God, I look like a freak! Something's happening to me, I gotta find help!"

Jenny looks about hoping her Uncle or someone else to take notice of her predicament. All the while, she tries to force down her ears, earning her an amused neigh from Buckaroo.

"Aggh, shut it, Buckaroo, I have no time for this! I gotta figure out what's going on before it.....hee-haw! Hee-haw!" (Jenny bites her tongue, praying she didn't hear a bray escape her lips) "Oh, shit, please tell me I didn't just do that, I sound like a jackass! Where's Uncle Jed when you need him? (Scrambles for her cellphone) I gotta call someone, maybe they can.....Ow, oooooh, whoa!!

Jenny feels a strange pain in her feet that sends her falling back. She pulls off her shoes and feels her feet become hard and numb, all while grey hair starts sprouting on her lower legs.

"Huh! What's going on now? I can't feel my legs at all! Oh gross, I got hair growing on me....grey hairs!" (Her feet become harder as they seemingly shorten and her toes become smaller and smaller) "My feet, what's happening to my.....Oh, my pants.....too tight, too tight!" (Gets up to find her pants tightening; she desperately tries to loosen them when they explode at the seams, revealing her changing legs) "Aggh!! It's getting worse, I have grey hair and hooves.....I can't be seen like this!" (Covers herself as she watches the changes resume) "Wh-what's going on? What's happening to me? I'm turning into some kind of animal, I look like....like....I look like a donkey! Hee-haw!" (The animals watch Jenny's predicament with fascination, and others with great amusement) "Aggh, stupid tail, stop wagging, stop it!" (Grabs her tail) "It's gotta be a disease or something, these bloody animals must've infected me! I gotta get Uncle. Uncle! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"

Meanwhile in the fields....

"Hmm, them mules certainly be in high spirits today, eh ladies?" (The cows bellow in response) Wonder what's got them so darned excited, heh heh heh heh...."

Jenny watches helplessly as the grey fur travels up her body, her figure reshaping into that of a donkey; the changes spread up her arms as she grows more desperate.

"No, no, no, no, no! This can't happen, I must be losing it. It's all just gotta be a hallucination. I don't wanna be like this, I don't wanna become a fat, useless donkey! Please,whoever, or whatever is doing this, I'll do anything, just please, someone stop this. Agggh.....oh no, what's happening now?!" (She watches as her hands mesh together into her fore hooves, leaving only her head and face unchanged) "No, my hands.....stop, please stop.....guys, do something, will ya?" (The other donkeys just stand there watching, not sure what to do but not really caring) "I'm.....I'm sorry for how I treated you, but please, surely you can help me.....heeeeeyyy...hee-haw!" (Her face begins stretching into a muzzle; her shirt bursts off, leaving her a full donkey) "Hee-haw!! Oh, no.....my beautiful face! What have you done to my.....!" (Looks in the water trough to see her reflection; she's almost a complete donkey) "Hee-haw!!! Uncle Jed, help me! Mom, Dad! Somebody help! Ngggh!" (Falls on all fours as her hair shortens into a mane) "Stop it, please stop it, somebody! No, noooooooo........hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"

Meanwhile.....

"Hmm? That be a lot of commotion out there. Reckon it's 'bout time I check up on that there herd out there 'n see how our little lass is farin'. What do you say, my young friend?"

A tall, lanky blue-haired boy overlooking the animals nearby turns to Jed and gives him a mischievous smile.

"Oh yes, sirree, dear Jed. I reckon right about now, she's buckin' harder than a rodeo in Dallas". (Snickers wickedly)

Jenny runs about the field in circles braying frantically as she tries to undo her change. She kicks about her hind legs wildly trying to escape her new form.

"This isn't happening! I've become a donkey! Uncle Jed, somebody, please turn me back! Oooooh, who do I turn to? Where do I go? How do I change back? What if I can't change back! Daddy, why did you send me here? Turn me back to normal, this isn't funny anymore!"

Jenny's pleas are suddenly interrupted by the sound of a dog barking, none other than Jed's labrador Melissa.

"Ahh! Who said that, what....Melissa? Stay back. Stay back, alright? J-j-j-just stay away, Melissa, don't be biting at me or anything, please! I'm not for being herded along, just leave me alone!"

"Jeez, Jenny, quit braying like an ass and listen to me for a second, will ya?"

"(Gasps) Who said that? Who? Whoever you are, help me! I need...."

Melissa: Clamp it down, Jenny, there ain't no other bipeds here to answer your calls. Besides, they can't understand you.

Jenny: Aggh! Who, what.....did you.....?

Melissa: Yes, kiddo, it's me you're talking to.

Jenny: Melissa! Wait, how did you, you can understand me?

Melissa: Hey, you're a donkey, I'm a dog, we're both on all fours, we both have fleas......Only makes sense that one animal can understand another.

Jenny: But.....that's not possible, I mean, you're just a dog, an animal! Dogs can't talk!

Melissa: Hey, you're listening to yourself talk, aren't you? Relax, it's just them bipeds that can't hear you. And boy aren't they lucky, your constant complaining hurts my ears.

Jenny: Hey, watch your tongue, you lazy mutt! Don't you talk to one of your masters like.....

Melissa: Oh yeah, you tugging on my leash, Jenny? I've been running rings around lazy mules like you since the day I got hauled onto this farm. I only take orders from Jed because he treats me with respect, so I suggest you start doin' the same kid if you wanna survive out here.

Jenny: Wait....since the day you got here? Haven't you always been my uncle's pet?

Melissa: One year on next month, Jen. (Jenny brays with confusion) That's right, kid, you're not the only one who came to this farm, actin' all high and mighty one day, and finding this growing outta your rear on another. (Wags her tail around)

Jenny: You mean, you were turned into a mutt?! (Brays with surprise; Melissa's ears perk up as the term "mutt" hits her like darts on a dartboard)

Melissa: I'd best be careful who I call a mutt....."Mule". (Jenny backs off at Melissa's growling) Listen, kid, you better learn some respect for your fellow farm animals, we got certain rules down on this here farm and now that you're on four of them babies to complete the set, they'll be applying to you, too.

Jenny: No....I-I refuse! I can't stay like this! I'm not a donkey, I'm.....Haw!! Uggh, watch where you're going, you....

(Jenny crashes rear-first into Jed's other prized mare, Marilynn)

Marilynn: *Neigh* Hey, watch where you're going, Jenny! Folks don't appreciate it when you go around beating at a dead horse, OR the live ones.

Jenny: Uggh, well excuse me, you overgrown sack of glue, but I was.....Huh, you too Marilynn? Did you......Oh, God, what is going on here? I'm seeing and hearing things, this can't be for real, what the hell was I smoking, angel dust? This is all some sick, twisted mind game, that's all it is! A mind trick, it's gotta be.

Male Donkey: *Hee-haw* Hey, kiddo, don't you be going on buckin' about on those fancy hooves of yours. Dontcha' worry, you may be trippin' now, but it'll all come to ya before long.

Jenny: Hee-haw!! (Frantic) Shit, stop talking, all of you! This isn't friggin' Pleasure Island, it's just a stupid, ordinary farm, I'm not hearing this! I....I gotta get out of here, back to where things are sane! (Gallops away braying)

Male Donkey: Hmph. All I was doin' was providin' a little encouragement. Mules like her, they think they got it all figured out. Pfffft.

Marilynn: She's like a wild bronco, you don't figure she'll get herself hurt, do you?

Melissa: Oh don't you worry, my little pony. Jed will put her in her rightful place before she goes off trying anything stupid. (Wags her tail with confident satisfaction)

(Jenny runs into the barn to hide herself from the other animals and farmhands)

Jenny: Hee-haw......It's all just a sick lie, that's....that's gotta be it, I mean none of this can possibly be real. I could just be drunk....yeah, I could just be hitting the bottle too hard. (Shakes head) There, my head is clear now. Now this time, I won't look like a jackass next time I see my reflect....(Sees herself in the trough; still a mule) Hee-haw!! (Kicks it away) God, this is insane. I could never let myself become a......No, there may still be a way out of this, I just need.....

Jed: 'Ello my friends, what's y'er pleasure today? Buckaroo, let's git you back in that there barn so you kin rest a little, buddy. Where's that there lass, Jenny? I'd thunk she be 'ere by now.

Jenny: Ooh, thank God! Jed will know what to do. He may be an old hayseed, but he does know his own niece from a bunch of animals. Uncle, Uncle! (Calls come out as brays)

Jed: Whoa, there youngin', what be yer rush?
Jenny: Uncle, it's me, Jenny! Please, Uncle, you have to help me, I'm a donkey! I take back whatever I said before, you gotta help me turn back! Please Uncle, I swear to God it's me! (And yet, she can merely bray)
Jed: Whoa, yer quite the spirited one, youngin'. Wasn't expectin' that new mule until much later. I reckon you be that 'ole gal?
Jenny: What? No, no no no no! It's me Jed, your niece Jenny! Damn it, can't you understand a word I'm saying?!
Jed: Take it easy there, now. Whatcha think, Buckaroo? You thinkin' this be the one? (Buckaroo displays Jenny's tattered yellow shirt to Jed) Yep, you bein' the one awright. Comin' with me, youngin', and we'll take care of everythin'.
Jenny: Oh, thank God, I thought for a minute you didn't have a clue what I was saying. Guess that means I'll be back on my own two feet in no time.
Jed: Follow me, darlin', Uncle Jed knows how to take care of ya, old girl. Everything will be hunky dory iffn' you cooperate.
Jenny: (Brays frustratingly) Who you calling "Old Girl"?! And what's that supposed to mean? You probably have some fancy medicine for this, I just stand there and take it, go back to my normal body and get on with my life! What more is there to do?

(Jed takes her to another end of the barn where all the paddocks are. His hound Melissa and horse Buckaroo show up)

Jenny: Wait, what the hell are we doing here? Enough of the jokes Uncle, why are we hanging out in the barn still? Where's that stupid shot or tylenol or whatever you have to give me? Can't we just get this over with? (Brays loudly)
Jed: Hush! That be enough, youngin', wouldn't want you to hurt yer throat 'ere with all them screechin'. I know you bein' eager to go to work, but it done take time, my little donkey.
Jenny: What? What do you mean work? And what do you mean donkey? I'm your niece, damn it! Change me back or there will be trouble!
Jed: Hmm, whatcha think there, Buckaroo? Reckon it's about time this youngin' learn a thing 'er two about earnin' her keep?
Jed: Uggh, he's talking to animals again, as if he can hear the same voices I was hearing in my.....
Buckaroo: *neigh* Yes, Jed, I should say it's about time we get her sorry rump moving off the ground for once. (Jenny brays in surprise) I could use a break from that old plow for a while, it's hard on the hooves.
Jenny: Buckaroo, you too?! Nah, that's impossible, I'm hearing things again, Jed can't...
Jed: My my, I like the way you think, my old friend. That oughta set dis here record straight. The plow it is.
Jenny: Hee-haw!!! You two understand each other?!
Buckaroo: Why of course, Lass. Why else would your dear Uncle talk to his animals if we couldn't speak? I mean, would that not be shall we say in your words, "beyond tripped out?"
Jed: "Tripped out", eh? Not quite so, my 'lil niece. You have muchen' to learn about 'em farm critters. Now let's git you all put together. (Jenny begins to panic as Jed moves in to apply the bit and ropes to her)

Jenny: (Brays frantically) No, Uncle, please, I beg you guys! Okay, I admit it, maybe I did act like a real ass before, but come on, isn't this taking it a little too literally?! Come on, we can talk this out! You're a lot cooler than I thought, so much smarter than I, even! I...I...I even like animal talk, yeah it's cute, the way you connect with them, it's really.....Uggh, no, no, no bits, no stirrups, no saddle, no nothing! Is this about my smoking? I'll quit, I'll even stop raiding your liquor cabinet, just anything but farmwork!

Melissa: (Barks loudly) Jenny! Quit your whining, that don't fly on this farm, kid. You should've been a good little girl when you had the chance...guess they forgot to teach you the Golden Rule back in school, huh?
Jenny: Melissa? Melissa, please, can't you convince my Uncle not force me to work?
Melissa: What, you mean let you get off easy? Listen, Jenny, whether you like it or not, you were sent here to learn the value of hard work, if you're not breaking your back here, you'll sure as hell be breaking it elsewhere. You been acting like a mule ever since you got here, only fits that you are one now. You think being a dog gets you anywhere? I thought I could get away with it once, and just look at me now. Trust me when I say, it works out best when we work together, ain't that so, Jed?
Jed; That be so, me young lass. You learned well 'dis year, Melissa, and that's why you git to plant yer rump on my fancy fat couch in da nighttime. Jenny, however, she be just on her first lesson. Now where was I? (Applies the bit and stirrups)

Jenny: Aggh, Uncle, please I, is this really....mmmmphh, arrggh, unnnnngguuuuhh, Jed, aggh.....Hee-haw!! Hee-haw, hee-haw!
Jed: 'Dere we go! Don't be lookin' half bad to me. Let's go youngin', the day's still a might young. (Buckaroo urges Jenny along)
Jenny: Aggh, Buckaroo, please, I.....
Buckaroo: Don't be fretting now Jenny. I've known Jed since I was foaled, and everything he does always works out for the best. I assure you, he's a harmless old codger. Get them hooves working, young lady, no one likes to be kept waiting.
Jenny: But I, I can't, but why must.....Oooohhhh......(Clops hooves in defeat and obediently goes outside to see Jed, escorted by Buckaroo and Melissa)

(A few minutes later: Jed straps on the large plow to Jenny)

Jed: 'Dere we go, all tied up 'en good to go.
Jenny: Ow, hee-haw, hee-haw! Please, easy on the straps, Uncle, they're hard on my haunches....ow! (Brays loudly as her tail is clipped) Oooh, stupid tail, take it easy!
Jed: A might sorry there, lass. Did I do in 'yer tail there, girl? Me humblest sorries, missy. Well, let's get them hooves a first run, shall we?
Jenny: (Clops hooves in defeat; a tear escapes her eye) Hee-haw...hee-haw...
Jed: Now, dontcha be givin' me no teary eyes, Jenny. I gave ya a week to get yerself in line. One way 'er 'nother youngin', yer lazy ass will do some work 'round here. But it's like Ole Buckaroo says, don't be frettin' now. When we git you out 'dere, yer old man will be so proud of yer hard work. Wouldn't want to disappoint yer folks there, would you darlin'?
Melissa: Dontcha be worrying about a thing, Jed. A few days of working in that good old country air, not to mention three square meals a day.....she'll get used to it, I know it does this hound good. (Wags her tail gratefully)
Jenny: Ooooooh.....I shoulda kept my big mouth shut. (Ears droop as she trots into the feel, plow in tow as she sadly accepts her fate)
Jed: Don't be strainin' yerself, love. The day still be young, an' I need all the help I kin get. If yer run into any trouble out 'dere now, dat there youngin' will give you 'er leg up. Ain't that so, Othello?

Othello: Don't you worry 'bout nothing, boss. Jenny and I are sure to have lots of fun, heh heh heh. (Snickers; Jenny looks at him nervously) Eh, come off it Jenny, with a little training you'll start seeing things our way. And if you behave yourself, maybe you'll be back to your old self in no time......Hmph, if I'm feeling generous, that is. Heheheheh. (Jenny wishes to dart out of their like there's no tomorrow, but dares not give this demon any ideas) Ha ha ha, this is gonna be good.......(Winks mischievously towards Jenny)

Jenny: (Gulps) On second thought, maybe working isn't such a bad idea after all......Hee-haw. (Melissa nods with approval and Jenny silently carries out her tasks, making note of avoiding eye contact with the blue-haired prankster walking alongside her)